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A few months back, Megan came home after shopping with some new drawers (pronounced: draws) she’d bought for me. They were 100% white cotton boxer-briefs. I kinda dig this hybrid design because I look like a dork in tighty-whiteys (I mean, really, who doesn’t?! Come to think of it, I pretty much look like a dork most of the time…) and boxers seem a little too “loose” for me – I like to know that everything is secure and as it should be at all times, and I just don’t get that feeling with boxers. So anyway, Megan brings these new drawers home for me and I fall in love with them – they’re comfortably tailored, fitting just as they should, and the waistband is covered by a soft additional layer of cotton so there’s no elastic digging into my skin – they’re nice drawers.

Fast-forward to a few weeks ago. Megan and I were out shopping and I started looking for some more of these wonderful drawers. After scouring the Men’s Drawers section of the local Wal-frickin’ I came up empty handed. Yes, I buy my drawers at Wal-Mart. Get over it. I found the same brand and style, but couldn’t find the covered waistband which is my favorite part. Megan came to my rescue and found them in a different brand with the covered waistband. I thought all was well, we finished our shopping and went home.

The first time I tried on a pair of these new drawers, I was just as impressed with this new brand as I had been with the Megan’s previous purchase. They fit right, were comfortable and soft, and of course, they had the covered waistband. Bliss.

Until I had to pee.

As I unzipped the fly of my jeans, I struggled to locate the corresponding fly in my new drawers. WTF? Had I just put them on inside-out or something? After a few seconds of frustration (and still needing to pee), I undid my belt and found that my new drawers didn’t have a fly! Now I don’t know whose genius idea this was to NOT put a fly in a pair of men’s drawers, but it sucks. The whole purpose of Men’s Drawers is to HAVE A FLY! Seriously…

Now I’m just irritated at my new drawers, even though they’re comfy.

That picture right there? Yeah, that’s not me. I’m older, fatter, and paler than that dude, but other than that, it could be me. Just notice that there’s no effing fly on those drawers, though. These are the ones I’m talking about!

Dammit. One more thing that just doesn’t work the way it should.

I really wanna know which of the Karma Gods I’ve pissed off so I can make an offering and set things straight.