JLooney.com

Jason Chaffetz is a damn moron.

I’m not kidding, he’s really pushing for dumbest political figure in Utah, and lord knows we’ve got way more than our fair share of ass-hats and idiots. Look no further than Chris Buttars and Michael Waddoups for proof of this.

What did Mr. Chaffetz do to make himself a contender and throw himself in league with this elite class of fools and blowhards? He thinks Carrie Prejean, the former Miss California who was shredded by the media for her anti-opposite-marriage comments in the Miss America pageant, has a bright future in politics! This is like saying the poor schmuck that just rolled his car on I-15 has a future as a NASCAR driver.

Here’s what he said, as reported by TMZ.com: “that she “has the ability to draw crowds and if she has a strong message to go with that, who knows what she can do? She has star power which can open doors.”

Then he went on to add that “”We’ve all made mistakes when we were 17. (The sex tape) is going to be an impediment, but people are excited about her convictions and her beliefs.”

Yes, we’ve all made sex tapes when we were (allegedly) 17, and although it can be an impediment to, you know, common-effing-sense, that shouldn’t in any way deter people from being excited about what you have to say about morals and Christianity. Right?

Now, let’s just take a quick trip down memory lane, and re-visit a few of the tremendously epic blunders Miss Prejean has committed, shall we?

First, she gave the second-most-retarded answer to a question ever given in a pageant. Prejean was asked by pageant judge Perez Hilton whether she believed every U.S. state should legalize same-sex marriage

“Well I think it’s great that Americans are able to choose one way or the other. We live in a land where you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage. And, you know what, in my country, in my family, I think that I believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman, no offense to anybody out there. But that’s how I was raised and I believe that it should be between a man and a woman.”

What was first, you ask? Caitlin Upland, Miss Teen South Carolina’s answer to the following question:

“Recent polls have shown a fifth of Americans can’t locate the U.S. on a world map. Why do you think this is?”

Her answer?

“I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some, people out there in our nation don’t have maps and, uh, I believe that our, uh, education like such as, uh, South Africa and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and, I believe that they should, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, or, uh, should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future, for our children.”

Yes, there are people this dumb walking around without supervision. Unlike Prejean, Miss Teen South Carolina had the good sense to realize she screwed up and leave well enough alone.

Prejean, however, freaked out when she didn’t win, saying first that her first amendment rights had been trampled (hardly. She got to say what she wanted, so she was allowed to freely exercise her right) and when that didn’t work out so well she cried that she was being discriminated against for being a Christian. Really.

Which is kinda funny, considering that just days after the pageant debacle, and after being directly asked if she had ever posed nude or semi-nude (to which she responded in the negative), a semi-nude picture of her surfaced. Now, of course she claims that as a young, impressionable teen model she was exploited and taken advantage of by the photographer, which could possibly be true, if it weren’t for my next point.

Not too much after that photo surfaced, someone discovered a few topless photos of her, posing on a windy cliff. Now get this, since the “photographer took advantage of me” argument didn’t work on the first one, she tried a new tactic. In the photos, she’s seen wearing a bikini bottom and an open vest, exposing her breast. She claims that the wind blew the vest open and the photog snapped a picture. Only problem is, her hair is blowing one way and the vest is open in the exact opposite direction.

All of this understandably stirred up quite a bit of controversy with the Miss California organization.

So to cut their losses, the Miss California pageant decided to let her go, saying she was in breach of contract for not showing up at scheduled appearances and fulfilling the terms of her contract with the organization. Prejean responded by counter-suing, claiming that they had scheduled an unreasonable amount of appearances and had unfair expectations of her. The pageant then

Then, incredibly, an even bigger bomb was dropped. In a preliminary meeting with the Miss California pageant’s attorneys, wherein she was sueing for 1 Million dollars, the negotiations were brought to a hasty conclusion when the pageant’s attorney’s played 30 seconds of a sex tape featuring – you guessed it – the “Christian” Carrie Prejean. Upon viewing the tape she basically said, “shut it off, I’m dropping the suit.”

Her comment? “It’s the worst thing I’ve ever done and I regret it every day”

Sure ya do, sweetie.

But it get’s better. Pretty much right after that meeting, she called her ex-boyfriend, whom she had sent the video to as some kind of present or something, and asked him to say that she was 17 at the time. His response? Hell no! That’d make him a possessor of child pornography, and truthfully, I think he just wanted to see Carrier squirm some more like a slug under a heat lamp and sprinkled with salt.

And as it turns out, she didn’t make just ONE sex tape. Oh no, she made SEVEN! And she took 20-30 nude and explicit photos of herself, to go along with the videos. Who got some Jeebus now?

Speaking of Jeebus, she also recently commented on her implants, and how Jeebus was totally cool with it, saying:

“No, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with getting breast implants as a Christian. I think it’s a personal decision. I don’t see anywhere in the Bible where it says you shouldn’t get breast implants.”

Now I’m not saying that there IS something wrong with getting implants if your a Christian. All I’m saying is that Carrie Prejean is retarded and this quote supports my case.

So, to summarize, Miss Prejean is a liar, a porn star, a hypocrite, has no accountability, and is incredibly stupid.

Which brings me back to Jason Chaffetz. I can only imagine the role models this retard had growing up. If he thinks Prejean is a good example of anything other than a train wreck, he’s probably dumber than she is.

So, all you dumbasses in Utah’s Third District that voted for this ass-hat, I’ll do my best to avoid your fair locale, because if this is the kind of official you elect, I can only imagine with terror in my heart what other idiocy happy valley may be teeming with.