JLooney.com

Weight: 207.2
Body Fat: 32.6%
BP: 135/90
Heart Rate: 72

I’m cold all the time. I’m never cold, especially my hands. My hands are almost always hot. I use them to warm up Megan all the time. Not lately, always cold. I don’t know why that is, so if one of you do, please tell me.

Some of you have asked which cleanse this is or what it’s called, and have also requested details on my daily routine.

It’s called The Master Cleanse, and I learned about it from some of my friends who had done it. It’s basically a 3-day period weaning yourself off food, 10 days of drinking lemonade and “shitting” (it’s more like butt-tsunamis) salt water, and 3 days of easing back to normal food. 16 days. Think about that one before you decide to try this. I know it’s been more of a challenge than I thought, and I can be a stubborn sonofabitch. Just sayin’.

My daily routine goes something like this:

6:30  wake up and drag my crack outta bed.
6:45  make my saltwater flush (1 T sea salt, uniodized + 1 liter pure water filtered through my Britta pitcher)
7:00  finish drinking salt water and wait. While I’m waiting I make my lemonade (juice from 2 lemons, 6 T Grade B maple syrup, 1/4 t cayenne pepper, 24 oz pure water)
8:00-8:30  make several trips to the bathroom for salt water tsunamis
8:45  head to work
9:00 – 12:30  drink 24 oz lemonade and at least 24 oz pure water
12:45  home from work for lunch, make more lemonade
1:15  go back to work
1:20 – 6:00  drink 24 oz lemonade and at least 24 oz water
6:15  home. make more lemonade
6:30-10:00  drink 24 oz lemonade and at least 24 oz pure water. Putz around the house, surf the net, watch tv, hallucinate about food.
10:00 make laxative tea, appropriately named “Smooth Move”
10:30  bed time

So there it is. My day starts with salt water tsunamis and ends with a laxative tea to prepare for the next days tsunamis, and it’s filled with spicy lemony goodness in between. Good times.

Weight: 207.8
Body Fat: 30.3%
BP: 133/95
Heart Rate: 76

PSA: when the instructions on the box of laxative tea state that you will take a dump in 6-12 hours, plan on the lower end of the scale.

I went to bed a bit early last night, and so I was drinking my teat by around 9:00PM. I was awakened just before 4:00AM by my stomach and bowels letting me know the tea had worked.

And now it’s 10:00PM, and I’m tired because I was awakened by my damn tea doing it’s job.

I am noticing, at least today, that it’s getting easier. I’m still hungry, but now I feel like I’m on the down side. I’ve made it past halfway, and I can do this.

I bought a juicer today, too. I’m going to cheat a little on the ease out and try a few different kinds of juices in addition to the OJ and Sunday, which will be the first day of the ease out. I’ll let you know how it goes.

I’m really digging that I’ve lost so much weight, though, because I put on a shirt that used to fit me a little too tight tonight and it fit perfectly. Nice! I know I said I wasn’t doing this for the weight loss, but I’m kinda digging that aspect. That, and the fact that my BP is down make this worthwhile all by themselves.

I’m still hungry, though.

Weight: 208.3
Body Fat: 33.2%
BP: 130/93
Heart Rate: 67

I don’t mind the lemonade so much.

I don’t mind the laxative tea every night, either. In fact, if it didn’t have laxative properties, I’d probably drink it all the time because it tastes pretty good.

I don’t even mind the salt water flush each morning, and the liter of salt water I have to drink each morning as part of that.

But I am having a really hard time with this hunger.

Ghandi is some kinda super hero or something. What’d he go, something like 80 days or some shit?

I’ve noticed that I’m pretty okay hunger-wise through most of the morning. Like, I can make it to noon, no problem. Then I go home for “lunch” and mix a new batch of lemonade, which only gts me to about 4:00 pm or so. By 5:00, I’m debilitatingly hungry, and it doesn’t let up until around 9:00.

Five more days. That’s what I keep telling myself. “Just make it to Saturday night” I repeat over and over and over.

Weight: 208.3
Body Fat: 33.2%
BP: 125/87
Heart Rate: 76

I’ve started to have very lucid imaginations (hallucinations?) about food. An ad comes on TV and I can actually feel the texture of the food in my mouth as I watch it on TV.

I’m not at a point where I’m ready to throw in the towel – I’m totally going to make it through all 16 days. It’s just fascinating.

Almost as intewresting? I still talk about food all the time, only now, it’s “how can I cook this healthier” kind of things.

Anyway, not gonna say much because I’ve just finished The Oscar’s and I want to go to bed.

Weight: 210.2
Body Fat: 34.4%
BP: 137/95
Heart Rate: 75

Sorry for not writing last night, spent the evening watching movies snuggled up with my sweetie, and feel asleep halfway into (500) Days of Summer.

I’ll tell you this, though – this isn’t getting any easier. My brain is really starting to mess with me. I notice food EVERYWHERE! We were watching The Blind Side, and I was just about drooling over the bag of Taco Bell that Sandra Bullock set on the counter in one scene, and it was all I could do to not leap out of my seat and start licking the television set when they served Thanksgiving dinner.

My friend Liv told me this would be hard, and on day 4, I thought I’d be okay. This is probably one of the most difficult things I’ve done, and the self-discipline this requires from me is unbelievable. I honestly don’t know if I’ll make it all the way. I can only do this one day at a time.

Tuesday will be halfway, right now that’s my goal – make it half way.